I Stopped Feeling Pregnant

I wake up and first thing I check is how my body is doing.  Is my bloated bump getting rounder and rounder? Are my breasts fuller than before? More to a close physical self checkup, I also check about how my psyche is.

Today I woke and I realized I stopped feeling pregnant. I noticed I stopped feeling really thirsty as well.  My breasts stopped feeling sore and my abdomen is less bloated and where did the cramping go?  Worse, I totally don't feel I am pregnant at all!

I wonder if this is a sign that I will miscarry our little Eskimo.  So I sent my fiance a worried message...

He's right, as long as I don't have and blood loss, I should try to think positively.

We are able to schedule an earlier appointment with the gyn to check the evolution of the hematoma on Thursday. Until then I will have to hang on.

Hoping for a favorable result.

Subchorionic Hematoma

27 June

At around 2 am I had to cough really hard and I felt like a gush of pain on my lower left abdomen. The cramps continued the whole morning (through out the dat in fact) and I was sleepless. 

Birthday party

The little man's girlfriend turned seven and he was invited. We dropped him off and her mom congratulated us with the baby. The little man had been telling everyone that he is going to be a kuya (big brother) soon.

Beach

We headed off to the beach after dropping him off at his girlfriend's. I was hungry and we stopped at Nelson's for what we first thought of having--pancakes.

I had shrimp croquettes with bananas milkshake (not really a good match) and my better half had  some croque monsieur and a bottle of sparkling Perrier.

I went to the toilet because I was still cramping and I thought I had to let out a wind.  While I was getting myself dry, the toilet paper was covered in blood.  Panicked, we rushed straight to the ER.

ER

The doctor came and yup she confirmed that there is a subchorionic hematoma in my uterus.  Although small (20x11mm) the danger is present that we are going to lose our precious angel.  She said 1 out of 2 it will turn out to be a miscarriage if the bleeding will not stop. 

She advised for me to refrain from any strenuous activities like lifting heavy stuff, cleaning, reaching up for something, etc. She also advised me not to go to work anymore, no coitus until we are past the first trimester.

So not even a 24 hour of joy, we are again faced with horror.  I haven't had any blood loss since then which I think is a relief. An earlier appointment with the gyne was also advised.

Our Love At First Sight

26 June 2015
I feel almost exactly the same way as when I first met my fiance --really nervous. Thinking if it's still there, how many are exactly in there, are they growing and developing beautifully?  I have a lot of things in my mind but luckily my son's TV casting got me occupied first thing in the morning.

Antwerp
I planned on going to the agent's place by train but since my fiance is so sweet, he drove us there and even get to see what the little man had to do.
It is about an hour drive without getting stuck in traffic and we got lucky!
The little man had to stand before the camera and perform some emotions, like being sad and feeling sorry, be happy and contented, thrilled and the feeling of ecstatic happiness.  It took about half an hour or maybe less.

My fiance had to work for a bit while we get to window shop for some baby stuff.

Which afterwards we had lunch at Ikea and drive back home.

Parent-teacher meeting
At three we drove to his school for our appointment.  The school year is about to end again and the little man gets his final report card.  There were no further complaints about him and he did a really good performance in class. Except that he should learn to trust himself and be confident in the things that he can do.  We are proud of him!  Shortly after we headed to the hospital.

First meeting
We were a bit early when we arrived at the hospital.  When it was our turn (which did not even took us more than an hour of waiting), the doctor shook or hands and welcomed us in his office.  He asked a few things like if I feel any symptoms and I informed him about the cramps, nausea and the cravings.  The ultrasound then followed.

We started out with two embryos. The other just stopped growing (an empty sack can be seen in the ultrasound) while the other is growing beautifully! Yup! One healthy Eskimo is growing in my tummy right now!  The doctor said that the body will eliminate the undeveloped embryo by itself so we should not worry about it.

We get to hear its heartbeat and it was such a precious moment for both of us. Daddy went emotional and we both felt relieved when we saw our tiny Eskimo that is now about 2 centimeter big with a proportionally huge head and tiny growing limbs.

This is it, or little miracle happening inside of me.

We are thankful to both or families who lighted candles for us and helped us pray. Thankful for our colleagues and friends who wished and hoped the best for us in our ICSI journey for our hearts' desire has been granted.

Eight Weeks & Six Days Prego

I am almost 9 weeks along now.  So far my tummy has almost doubled the size since two weeks ago.  It started sinking in last Monday when I was out on a triple date with my colleagues that I am indeed pregnant!  I pampered myself with a nice Moroccan mint tea for breakfast at one of my favorite place to hang out.

Shopping
What do girls love to do the most?  Yup! And after trying more than 6 maternity outfits, I purchased 2 nicely fitted outfit for me.  1 black jumpsuit with a golden ribbon belt, a matching golden purse, black shawl and black with golden accent bracelets and 1 halter dress with a cute palm tree prints on it. It was a good bargain though since I received a 50% discount on all items except for the golden purse but meh, I love it.  I just need a new pair of shoes to go with my jumpsuit and I'll be all set! Yay!!

Then we had lunch and talked for a bit.

Fragile Jumpsuit

Bad picture

The woman inserted a pillow in the dress to show how I will look like when I'm 7 months along

Friday
Tomorrow will be quite a busy day for us.  I will first want to take our little man for a TV casting first thing in the morning then go back to his school for his parent-teacher meeting and then at 5 we have to be at the hospital for our most awaited very first ultrasound!!!  Although I am still worried that the doctor will say there is no baby growing at all in my womb.  My fiance tried to make me feel better by telling me, I would have had blood loss already if something went wrong and maybe he's right.  But I cannot exclude any odd possibilities to happen to me because i have been told of scenarios that are far too impossible to happen but did happen to me anyway.

Symptoms
Lately I have been burping and I am someone who doesn't really know how to burp voluntarily.
I still have cramps and I wonder if it will ever stop? Hmm...  I can only hope so I suppose?
I feel like nauseated lately.  No specific moment of the day though, it just comes whenever.
I am more tired than ever and having a good night sleep seems to be very difficult for me.  Worries just crosses my mind during wee hours of the night.
Strong cravings on some food like mangoes, KFC, seafoods and other things.
Stronger sense of smell and taste.  I would feel like vomiting if I will have a small chopped onion in my mouth.  Eew, the thought of it alone.

7 Gestational Week

Our last quantitative beta has more than doubled than the previous week. The progesterone level is at 30 which is good as well. We are happy. Based on the blood tests, our Eskimos are growing well and that should make me feel better and it does. However, I will only be certain that everything is all and well once we go for our first ultrasound and see the first heartbeats.

At 7 gestational week our Eskimos are admit the size on a blueberry (half of an inch) tiny fingers and feet that look more like a paddle start to develop.  It is kind of exciting to follow up the weekly growth of our Eskimos. :)

PANIC:
I sneezed and it hurt my lower right abdomen. Should I panic? I'm trying not to since I've been cramping from day 1. Still it worries me. If only I can rush myself to the ER everytime I feel something so they can have a close monitor on our growing Eskimos. Will make me feel a lot better.

Maternity outfit

Add caption

I bought my first maternity pants yesterday at H&M since I don't fit in my regulars anymore.  Our first prenatal won't be until the 26th of this month but I already have a feeling we are going to have a twins.  Why? Hcg level is spiking up, my tummy?? It seems as if I'm six months prego already when we are just approaching our seventh week!  But still the solid proof won't be until we see how many hearts are beating during our first ultrasound.  I'm kind of excited really!

CRAMPING:
It is still there, some days worse than the others, but I ease it by lying flat on my back and taking things easy.

VISIT WORK:
I dropped by at work this morning and I am glad I get to see my colleagues for a bit.  My headnurse said I should just take it easy and enjoy my pregnancy, but really how do I do that? When my mind is filled with things to worry about.  I'm a Scorpio (I don't know if it has anything to do about it) so I'm a natural pessimist.

RAGING HORMONES:
Apart from feeling dizzy ones in a while and feeling nauseated but not to the point of vomiting yet, I noticed that I am easily agitated and feel offended whenever my fiance tells me something.  I do apologize when I realize that my reactions are not necessary and appropriate at all. He is trying to understand but I bet I am not making it any easier for him.

CRAVING:
Oh I have been craving for a lot of things! Luckily my cravings are mostly those that are easy to find! Imagine if I will crave for "lechon" ( roasted pig)! Where will my fiance ever get me one? Lol. Yesterday I craved for fish. I ate eight slices of bread with smoked salmon, shrimps tomatoes and eggs! Despite the fact that I don't like eating bread! Lol.

Baby bump or bloating bump at 6 weeks and 5 days

THE BUMP:
I have noticed that my abdomen is just growing tremendously fast.  It's getting rounder and rounder by the week.  It cannot be a baby bump yet as our quarter inches babies are still located about five fingers below my navel (more or less).  So this is more likely a bloating bump that is caused by the progesterone suppository that I still have to take 3 times a day.  Only doctors know how long I have to take this medicine.  But I wonder if the bloating remains, will  my bump be twice as big later when I am a few months further?

Fourth Beta At 5 Weeks & Currently At 6 Week

Our bloodwork results at 5 weeks is 11877 Hcg.  We are very much happy with it, the hormones are just growing and growing.  However we are going to have another bloodwork done this week.

We are currently on our  6th week gestational period.  It is about the size of a lentil, that is about a quarter of an inch long.  Major developments for this week are, the nose, mouth and ears start taking shape.  The head of the fetus is oversize with dark spots where the eyes are starting to form.  Protruding buds will then later develop into arms and legs.  Heart starts beating at a 100 to 160 beats per minute.  We are thinking of getting our own Doppler so we can witness and hear the beating of their hearts firsthand.  But I am hesitant because I am scared to not be able to hear anything at all and will just leave me in more fear and worries than I already am this time.

I suppose experiencing pregnancy right from the start is a lot different than knowing it months after like our little man.  I am more anxious, nervous and worried more than being happy and contented that it worked this time.

Baby Sleep

A baby needs to sleep on its own.  It is important for us for it to have their own room, this is the first stage of independence.  I personally grew up along with my two other siblings sleeping in my parents room.  It did not bother me to be sleeping at the foot-end of the bed at all until I had my own room and my own privacy (at the age of 12).  I realized the luxury of it.

A baby's should have a comfortable sleeping bed that is safe for it.  That includes, a baby phone with built in camera for continuous access with the baby with an alarm in case the baby stops moving or breathing (all to preveng SIDS), breathable mattress,  safe environment temperature to sleep in and the list can go on.

We are living in a two-storey three bedroom house.  The extra room is currently being used as our office and my closet is in there as well.  There is still enough space for two cots, sure and maybe a closet for the babies.  But I thought babies cry a lot at night that I was thinking of getting a hammock instead of just an ordinary cot.  I have been looking at Hushamock's products even before we thought of having a baby.  As a baby we slept in a hammock.  It was basically just a piece of blanket tied on both ends that is suspended on the ceiling.  I think everyone in the family slept that way as a baby and I would want that for our babies-to-be.  Our little ones get to sleep in a most natural way, mimicking the environment and movements in the womb.  I especially love the beautiful design to it and I don't have to suspend it on to the ceiling and everything is made out of natural material (organic and undyed cotton and natural wood) but the down side to it is, not only that it comes with an expensive price tag (one complete set costs $599) is that it occupies a lot of space.  The swaying and rocking of the baby to put it to sleep has to be done by someone.  The baby is not fastened to it's mattress so when the baby gets older and it starts rolling, there is a bigger chance that it might fall out, like I did (they often find me on the floor insted).  It is not very practical for a regular family but if we lived in a much spacious four bedroom house, I might reconsider.

2012 Model at €189

2015 Model at €299

My fiance mentioned a MamaRoo.  It does not ressemble a traditional hammock but it does in my opinion offer a better comfort to both parents and babies.  It sways and rocks in different preset motions by itself, giving babies that same safe feeling as to when they were in mommy's tummy.  The 2012 model sways continuously and comes at a way cheaper price since it's an older version while the 2015 model is a bit more expensive but still way cheaper than a hushamock automatically goes off after 4 hours of continuous use.  For both versions the seat can be reclined at a certain level and there are 4 different motions prinstalled to it: car, kangaroo, swing, rock and sea motion.  It has preset music with adjustable volume but it is also aux integrated so you can play any desired music that you would want your baby to hear from your mp3 player or smartphones.  The newer model has bluetooth that allows you to control it via an app.  But according to reviews, the app works better on an Apple rather than an Android.  It does not require much space and the baby stays in its supine position.  I think a baby can sleep on it for a year before sleeping on a regular bed.  I don't know which mode but we are thinking of getting this for our little Eskimos.

Baby camera

As sleep is not only import for a baby's growth and development, it is as much important to both parents as well.  But these days when babies are sleeping in their room, parents need to keep constant watch on their baby even when they're doing some household chores, thus the the need of baby phones arise.  Before it was just like a walkie-talkie kind of phone, parents hear the baby's breathing, movements and sounds on the other end all the time.  Parents can talk to their children as well.  Lately new models come with built in camera!  So the ones with a camera is what we are getting for sure.  Which type, brand or model is still uncertain but we are looking it up thoroughly.

Third Beta & Healthy Pregnancy Tips

The results of our third beta arrived. HCG went up from 414 to 1477 and the estrogen and progesterone levels are good as well.

But since I had a bad heavy cramp last Sunday and yesterday, I just stayed in bed most of the time. Worrying about our babies. I called the hospital again which she said "het is normal e. Jouw lichaam is aan het voorbereiden voor de zwangerschap."  It is normal and according to her it is the body preparing itself for the pregnancy. But I did not take her word for it. I don't remember being in pain during this term with my first.  Does everything have to hurt from now on? I am getting mentally stressed and worn out.

Here are some healthy pregnancy tips:

1. Getting an early prenatal appointment with the doctor. I am halfway through my fifth week. I have to go back next week for a blood work and at the same time make an appointment with the gyn. Which will not be until two weeks later from then on (by then I'll be 8 weeks along) is that late or early? I don't know. All I know is, I was past the first trimester when I found out I was pregnant with the little man. But then again, this isn't a normal pregnancy at all. I have been freaking out starting with our first cycle until this very moment. So yes! I would want an ultrasound asap and see if everything is okay and normal and hear their first heartbeats if there are two of them.

2. Take your prenatal vitamins.  I do this. My fiance double checks it everyday because I forget it quite too often.

3. Consult the medications you are taking regularly.  As for me, I have bronchiectasis. A disease with a permanent enlargement of parts of the airway of the lungs, in my case my right lung. Which I take inhalers and cortisone when I have excessive production of mucus and when I have breathing problems.  I usually take three different inhalers and a cortisone tablet. But I cut down to just one inhaler per day enough for me to breath 'okay' on adaily basis. Coughing happens all the time with thick phlegms but I am trying to live with it. Cortisone is not good for the embryo and is not good during the implantation stage.

4. Stop smoking. I don't smoke.

5. Stop drinking alcohol. I don't drink any alcoholic beverages as well unless there is a special occasion. I will not miss it for the next nine months or so.

6.  Make sure home and work are safe-free for the mom and the baby.  My physician advised me to stay home until the 15th to see how it goes with me and whether or not I am ready to go back to work again.  So that is something I don't have to worry as of the moment and our home is clean. Both my fiance and I don't smoke and neither of us drink any alcoholic beverages nor do any recreational drugs.

I can pretty much say that my body is a safe haven for our little Eskimos to grow.

I hope they'll grow and develop just fine.